In the Mirror (I Remember – Day 16)

This is my wild little princess.

***I wrote this post almost five years ago.  At that point, I had been creating entries frequently for about a year.  Soon thereafter, life body checked me and certain parts of my mind and heart became closed.  In lieu of getting the wind knocked out of me, I lost my voice.  I am thankful that, on most days, it seems to have found its way back to me now.  I don’t know why so many of us feel the need to hide.  We attempt to bury our feelings.  To shield our hearts.  To minimize our place in the world.  We have a brilliant light within each of us that no tarnish can dull and a beautiful fire that no darkness can suffocate.  I remember that now, and I feel it’s truth growing daily within me.  I see the girl below more and more as I scrape away the layers I mistakenly tried to bury her beneath. Although a great deal has happened over the past five years, my song is still the same.***

I have a confession to make, and I fear that it may make me a bit unpopular.  Although I feel great trepidation about sharing this, I still sense the need to tell you this…

I don’t feel old.

I know.  You are unfriending me immediately.  But it’s true.  I just don’t feel old.  I recognize that I am in the minority-est of the minorities, but I can’t help it.  I just don’t feel like I am getting older and creakier by the minute.  I don’t feel like I am withering into nothingness and needing to order a rascal.  And if I did order a rascal, I would totally have it tricked out with streamers and wicked paint and a crazy horn – Honk hoooonk!  Move over kids!  Mama needs to get to the corn flakes!

And if I die tomorrow, I want my funeral to be a party.  Not like a “ding dong the witch is dead” kinda shindig.  I’m thinking of something along the lines of dance music, crazy funny pictures, colorful clothing, my family telling embarrassing stories of what a goof I was, ice cream, ponies (oh yes there will be more than one pony), and piñatas (because what kid doesn’t love those??)!  Also I think cheesecake and macaroni should be present as they have been two of my great loves.  And there should be prizes (like you could win a mani/pedi for having the kid that throws the first genuine meltdown or barfs on the pony).  Maybe it could be a pajama party!  Who doesn’t love jammies?  Or a toga funeral!!!  How awesome would that be???  Yes – I am completely serious. My funeral will be THE event of the year!

But as I said earlier, I don’t feel old so I’m not planning on going anywhere anytime soon.

Why do so many people seem so fixated on how old they feel?  I have heard people of all ages say this for as long as I can remember.  It seems to start in the 20’s (why would you ever feel old in your 20’s) and then gains steam from there.  I don’t even understand when someone in their 70’s feels old. They usually look and sound pretty good to me!

I am not saying that my body has not changed. I can very much assure you that it has. I am literally two inches shorter than I was a few years ago (disc thang – long story but I don’t buy into it anymore anyway).  My body doesn’t seem to be able to find an easy way to ride horses nowadays (a bit sad as that was my passion).  And I don’t even think about jumping or sneezing but I won’t go into details there – thanks a lot kids! 😉

When I look in the mirror, I don’t see a small child, and I do wonder when the heck yet another line showed up on my face.  However those are physical changes.  The me inside of me hasn’t changed.  Well hopefully she is a little better at moving through life.  But overall I still feel like that kid I once was.  I still love to play!  I adore games, the zoo is a place filled with wonder, puppies and kittens are like furry magic, and I can barely sleep the night before Christmas (which is significantly ironic as I typically purchase 95% of the gifts…but that does leave the mysterious 5% and maybe one day it will be the pony I always wanted!).

Hold on tight to the kid in you.  Empower that person, not the old cranky “You kids get off my lawn!” fellow.  When you look in the mirror, look for that childlike spirit and energy you can never lose.  And when you find that little person again, call me because I am always ready to come out and play. 🙂

horse

Bury

124 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. mimijk
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 12:37:32

    Hold on tight to that young girl Jo – she is your spirit, she is your affirmation, she is you!! xox

    Reply

  2. on thehomefrontandbeyond
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 12:46:40

    I don’t feel old either and all my (older) friends email these stupid jokes to me about being old, and some of them give me Boomer magazine (Cdn mag for boomers who are getting older) and I am darn sick of it and love this post and I love the idea of a toga funeral — you have the right idea!

    Reply

  3. Magnolia Beginnings
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 12:47:22

    Love this and I’m so happy to see I’ve got great company being the ‘oldest’ child in the room!

    Reply

  4. dockfam
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 12:47:48

    What a way to look at things!! You are an amazing woman — age is just a number and if you keep up thinking this way you will live forever. Be blessed 🙂 *hugs*

    Reply

    • momentumofjoy
      Aug 23, 2012 @ 12:55:56

      I think I will stop at 120 but I am determined to have fun the whole way until then! 😉 You are amazing, too!!! Big hugs and happiness to you always sweetheart. 🙂

      Reply

  5. donnaanddiablo
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 12:56:19

    Wonderful attitude, Jo, and with it you will NEVER grow old!! I firmly believe that you’re only as old as you feel inside, and while I’m a bit north of 40 chronologically, I am stuck at around 30 in my head. Your idea of a funeral sounds marvelous too. I’ve always thought a celebration of someone’s life was the right way to go–they have it right in New Orleans I’d say! Protect that inner child fiercely–she’s a charmer!! 🙂 Lori

    Reply

  6. russtowne
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 13:13:44

    I love this post, MoJo! Keep on playing!
    Russ

    Reply

  7. Magnolia Beginnings
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 13:51:54

    I’ve nominated you for The Booker Award. Part of the award requires you listing your 5 favorite books and I’m really interested in seeing what they are. Thanks for writing.
    http://magnoliabeginnings.org/

    Reply

    • momentumofjoy
      Aug 23, 2012 @ 20:52:19

      Oooo I have to think about this one. I pretty dorky but I will try to avoid books like the

        Lord of the Rings

      series (but in all honesty those are my all time favorite) (not so much on the movies though). This will be a fun one to consider! I need to see which books you listed, too. Thanks so very much honey! What a fun award!!! 🙂

      Reply

  8. Heidi Farmer
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 14:00:40

    Amen sista🎶🎵🎶. I want a disco party for mine!!

    Heidi

    Reply

  9. Lindsey Biggs, C.S.
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 14:12:53

    Absolutely! I know what you mean 🙂

    Reply

  10. Cauldrons and Cupcakes
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 14:24:08

    My Nana is 97, and she told me recently that she is still surprised when she looks in the mirror some days. She says she feels like she’s still in her twenties on the inside. And she is one of the most beautiful and wise souls I know!

    This is a great post – really made me smile! Bless xx

    Reply

  11. dianasschwenk
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 17:15:50

    I love this post! That’s how I feel too! Seriously!!

    Reply

  12. joyfullyrenewed
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 17:56:10

    I absolutely love love love you!!! And surprise surprise, I don’t feel old either! When you do get that rascal, I hope to be cruising the retirement community by your side

    Reply

  13. mistylayne
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 18:59:26

    You are AWESOME. 🙂

    Reply

  14. laviebohemeart
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 19:24:33

    Great post! Just like me, I don’t feel old and that is why I look younger. People tell me, oh you must be in your late 20’s mid 30’s! I’m like yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sure! lol.. But the trick is, I feel young and like you said, yes my body has changed and theirs things I can’t do as before but my mind, still thinks I’m 20!!!!!

    Reply

  15. A Dog With Fleas
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 19:58:56

    This post just made me so damned happy!! It is filled with such optimism and happiness!! Even though age is not a thing for some people to be happy about, you always have your way of making it sound fun and joyous!!

    Not sure how old you are, but you write with the optimism and happiness of a 15-year old!! And that is what always makes me come back to your blog!! Because it alwasy brings a smile to my face!!

    Thanks as always my friend!!

    Reply

    • momentumofjoy
      Aug 23, 2012 @ 20:47:55

      You are so adorable. I am 36 going on 13. Perhaps this time around I will get those boobs I always hoped for! 😉 Lol!!!! And you always make me smile, too. Love you!!!

      Reply

  16. Playamart - Zeebra Designs
    Aug 23, 2012 @ 20:04:11

    I totally agree with you! I have never dreaded a birthday, and I embrace the wisdom that comes with getting older. My body reminds me sometimes that the old gray mare ain’t what she used to be, but inside I still feel young! We’re lucky to awaken with a smile in our hearts! Z

    Reply

    • momentumofjoy
      Aug 23, 2012 @ 20:50:08

      Yes yes and yes!!! I am utterly tickled that so many people feel the same way. I genuinely believed that this would be one of those entries that would come and go as a non-event, but apparently I am surrounding by e-peeps who want to keep loving life! I just love it. Thank you so so very much for being so wonderful!!! You are fabulous. Really – you truly are! Big hugs to you Z! Joanna

      Reply

  17. aleafinspringtime
    Aug 24, 2012 @ 01:59:04

    You made me smile a thousand times over with this one!!! Oh, to celebrate yet another birthday, to see the cycle of life in all its richness and yet to feel like you’re always still that same child peering out from within. So many hugs my dearest Mojo! Shaz

    Reply

    • momentumofjoy
      Aug 24, 2012 @ 06:47:11

      I have missed your lovely posts and words this summer!!! How are you dear one?? How is that beautiful boy of yours? 🙂 It is such a wonderful way to start the weekend – seeing your name and loving words! Have a gorgeous weekend sweet Shaz. 😉 Jo

      Reply

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  19. Louise G.
    Aug 24, 2012 @ 07:59:13

    What a fabulous post! I am so grateful Diana sent me here to read more! Nice to meet you. I shall keep coming back. I love to play 🙂 And I love the kid inside of me!

    Reply

    • momentumofjoy
      Aug 24, 2012 @ 08:17:25

      I am ecstatic you came by, too!!! It is so much fun to meet another perpetual kid in the world. I think we will take over one day. At a minimum we will outlive the others! 😉 Big hugs to you Louise. Joanna

      Reply

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  21. El Guapo
    Aug 24, 2012 @ 10:28:18

    Best part of feeling old is that it’s motivation to go out and do something ridiculous and fun.
    And then when asked if you’re too old to be doing that, giggle and give the crazy eyes smile!

    Reply

  22. The Presents of Presence
    Aug 24, 2012 @ 10:38:40

    Oh yes yes yes! This is why we connect! Any type of furry animal makes me all gooey inside ~ not to mention, I’m the biggest kid at Christmas and I’m the one who’s wrapping/buying etc! I believe it’s all what you keep in your heart which makes you feel young or old! Of course, I do some days feel a bit older and creakier, but in my heart, mind and soul, I”m still in my 20s ~ loving life! xoxo

    Reply

  23. thoughtsfromanamericanwoman
    Aug 24, 2012 @ 11:45:40

    What an encouraging post! People are surprised when they ask my age and I tell them 50! I made it to the half century mark and I am happy – I am a 12 yr breast cancer survivor, having had it in three areas all aggressive so I not only feel like I am 20 I am enjoying each day as a gift. Not to mention my coworkers who are a husband and wife 86 and 85, live life fully as if they are in their 50’s. They do not let age define who they are. From them I have learned to act my age – the age within, like my father who always had a twinkle in his eye and grin that meant he was up to something, he was also forever a young man. Here is to be our age in years but forever young in our hearts!!!! 😀 Blessings – Patty

    Reply

  24. snowgood
    Aug 24, 2012 @ 13:58:01

    Great photo of the kid on a Trike.

    Reply

    • momentumofjoy
      Aug 24, 2012 @ 15:57:56

      I know! I wish I knew who took it. I wish all those pics had watermarks and websites stamped on them. Those kids are adorable and the colors are gorgeous, too. So glad you love it. 🙂

      Reply

  25. Between The Weeds: LRStudio
    Aug 24, 2012 @ 14:14:35

    This is awesome and I feel the same way (I have a few more years than you). Except for the body telling me with some aches (which I ignore) I have to remind myself, you are 55. No way somewhere in me I am the perpetual kid exploring and having a blast. I even hum out loud as I shop for food. What a hoot.

    Reply

  26. Sheila T Illustrated
    Aug 24, 2012 @ 18:18:17

    Wow, we are in for a wild ride with you, girl! Love this post immensely!

    Reply

  27. Andrea Kelly
    Aug 24, 2012 @ 19:54:17

    Oh Jo! I see you HAVE already been nominated for The Booker Award! Well, I nominated you again, so there! 😛 http://thehandwrittenlife.wordpress.com/2012/08/24/book-em/

    Reply

  28. JanBeek
    Aug 24, 2012 @ 22:12:57

    I am going to repost this on my blog. I wish I had written it! You say it, girl! I don’t feel old either. Come on over and let’s play! I have a Boston Terrier named TazE (a real little “Tazmanian Devil” with pointy big ears – all the better to hear you with my dear) – and she wants to play, too!!

    Reply

    • momentumofjoy
      Aug 24, 2012 @ 22:21:10

      You are the best! I love dogs with fun attitude! Everyone should have an animal or two by their side. They are such blessings. :). Thanks so very much again super sweet girl. Much love to you. Joanna

      Reply

  29. Trackback: In the Mirror « janbeek
  30. writerwannabe763
    Aug 25, 2012 @ 06:25:40

    I love your energy…My body feels cranky because of various medical issues…but inside I don’t feel my age…Sometimes I look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself because I don’t feel as old as I look…Diane

    Reply

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  32. Marylin Warner
    Aug 25, 2012 @ 14:19:53

    This is one of the happiest, most uplifting and honest and inspiring “age-related” essays I have ever read. Wonderful! Thank you Thank you Thank you.

    Reply

  33. Marylin Warner
    Aug 25, 2012 @ 14:21:00

    P.S. Surely, next Christmas you will finally get a pony. You deserve it. Or at least a very large puppy.

    Reply

  34. Zen and Genki
    Aug 26, 2012 @ 00:33:53

    You’re only as old as you feel, and by the sounds of it, you feel you and wild and free 🙂

    Reply

  35. seabluelee
    Aug 27, 2012 @ 15:24:12

    Well, I have to agree with all the others. I love this post! I am 65 going on…well, I don’t know what, but it’s certainly not going on OLD. I know eventually the body will give out, but the spirit never will.

    Reply

  36. evatenter
    Aug 28, 2012 @ 10:59:11

    I agree 101%. 🙂 I personally feel like I’m 5 and I honestly don’t see any reason why that should ever change…never ever never. 😀 I’m just a supersized 5-year-old writer with a law degree…don’t see anything wrong there. 😀

    Reply

    • momentumofjoy
      Aug 28, 2012 @ 19:26:52

      I’m pretty sure my kids have law degrees, too. And if they don’t, they should have honorary degrees because they take arguing very seriously. 😉 Thanks again for the reblog. You are amazing! 🙂

      Reply

  37. evatenter
    Aug 28, 2012 @ 11:04:45

    Reblogged this on Power of Positive Thoughts and commented:
    Another awesome gem by The Fantastic Jo!!! I feel the need to share this post, because this is exactly how I too feel about age issues in general. 🙂 Read and enjoy and of course look at all the other posts by Jo…each one is awesome, more awesome or super-extra-awesome. 🙂

    Reply

  38. Cassie
    Aug 28, 2012 @ 11:37:15

    Glad I started following you… Sounds like my kind of philosophy!

    Reply

    • momentumofjoy
      Aug 28, 2012 @ 12:11:04

      Thank you so very much for the wonderful compliments!!! It’s such a gift to make someone smile (and I am talking about your giving that gift to me!). :). Big hugs!!! Joanna

      Reply

  39. It's only P!
    Sep 08, 2012 @ 07:08:14

    Again, a worthy post. I think the child in me would want to ask you ‘wanna come play?’ I’ve always been young at heart and I’m sure I’ll die that way. Many people of my generation (54) don’t relate to me at all. What a bunch of old farts! These days, young people I meet don’t seem to feel comfortable with befriending an older woman. I used to have friends in between the ages of 18 and 75 when I was in my forties.

    But I lived in a different place then. Johannesburg. That’s a bit like Paris. The locals mix with the foreigners, but especially the foreigners mix with the foreigners. I now feel that emigrants who emigrate to South Africa are worlds apart from those who emigrate to Canada, for instance. I lived there for eight years after I left South Africa. I can compare, having lived in Jo’burg for 19 years. The child in me has been very lonely for the last ten years (left SA in 2002). So here on your blog I feel at home.

    I don’t think people would de-friend you because you don’t feel old. Perhaps more so because of the whacky way you want your nearest and dearest to celebrate your funeral (what a hoot!). In ‘Under the Tuscan Sun,’ the flamboyant (female) painter says to Diane Lane that Federico Fellini (Fefe) said this:

    “You have to live spherically – in many directions.
    Never lose your childish enthusiasm –
    and things will come your way.”

    I needed to be reminded of that. Your post inspired that. Thank you.

    Reply

    • momentumofjoy
      Sep 08, 2012 @ 14:37:02

      I love you and can’t fathom that you wouldn’t be surrounded by a sea of adoring friends. I will ALWAYS be there to play with you even if it is just via the blog! Big fat hugs to you lovebug! Stay spectacular no matter what (as if you could be anything other than awesome!). 🙂

      Reply

    • Between The Weeds: LRStudio
      Sep 08, 2012 @ 15:01:39

      How I can understand what you wrote and agree reading MoJo’s insightful post a fabulous help. I have been trying to sell my home and through the various conversations I am having with people I see it is not me, just the way they perceive their world. I feel like I am living on Mars at times and it is these very conversations that confirm what my intuition already knew. I love the person I am a wondrous adventurous inquisitive child in an aging (55) body. I also see there are so many people like yourself and myself all feeling the same way. MoJo you have to keep writing your posts so we feel the connection. Love and blessings to all.

      Reply

  40. optimisticgladness
    Sep 17, 2012 @ 08:45:17

    I love it! I tell people, chronologically, I’m 40, spiritually I’m 66, I feel 18 and act like I’m 12. 🙂 Another great post.

    Reply

  41. foodzesty
    Jul 13, 2017 @ 06:41:49

    Jo this is such a great post!!! 🙂

    Reply

  42. wakinguponthewrongsideof50
    Jul 13, 2017 @ 07:34:29

    My mind feels young……my knees might tell a different story though! You’re writing is just soooo good!whether today or five years ago!

    Reply

  43. Blog Andrew
    Jul 13, 2017 @ 13:08:17

    🙂 A wonderful breath taking post Jo and I’ll never unfriend anyone for their honesty, I’m a nervous anxious man and I’ll never forget you forgave me ‘that’ comment when you could quite easily have angrily told me where to go (what I deserved speaking to a lady that way) but instead like the lovely mom you are you gave this naughty boy a virtual cyber space spanking, (I’ve made love to many women but never had a spanking!) Being serious knowing I’d upset a lady blogger on WordPress would have hit me hard and I really mean that. Some day we’ll drift apart as happens with blogging, that’s lol life, only because blog commenting is fleeting tenuous and quite unique, 🙂 just wanted to say I have no children but gain a lot of enjoyable incite reading parental blog posts, I have young nephews though who I adore ❤ ……………. I'm a big softy at heart. Hmm I have a feeling readers understand me more than I fully appreciate.

    Reply

    • MoJo
      Jul 13, 2017 @ 15:13:54

      You are a good man Andrew. The part of blogging that I least expected was the community aspect. I really had no idea when I started writing years ago that it even was a community. But we meet people and make connections on the funniest, most wonderfully clever, and at times, heart-wrenching things. It’s easy to chat here and I’m all over the place as far as what I will say. I know that it can be hard to gauge people on the limited interactions we all have. Your response after the comment was all that matters to me. I didn’t say what I did in an effort to push you down. I said it because I believe that you needed a hand back up. Sometimes I need another person to tell me what I need to hear even if it stings a bit when it happens. I hoped that it was taken as an intention to help, and you certainly responded very honorably. It’s not what we do in the moment when we stumble that defines us. It’s what we do right after that. At least that’s my thought on it.

      I’m genuinely thankful that you are my friend for as long as that lasts. Your stories are clever and funny and edgy and sweet – all at the same time. And someday I will read about an amazing woman who will kick your butt all the way to the altar and then about the mini-Andrews taking the planet by storm. One day it will happen, and I hope that we still chat so I can make fun of all of it and cheer you along as it does. We have the worst habit of viewing ourselves through mud colored glasses, but there’s a lot of shine happening on the other side of those lenses. 😎

      Reply

      • Blog Andrew
        Jul 13, 2017 @ 15:56:46

        🙂 Thank you, and yes over the last two years I have met some wonderful people, I even had a date with one WordPress blogger. Yep lol you did read that right! We met as two single middle aged blog friends the lady a single mum and to cut a long story short I went by train to meet her, we had a picnic by the river in the sun and she was EXACTLY the same woman I’d been speaking to for three months, very honest and very kind but alas no romance so we just kept in touch for a while. All through blogging! Amazing 🙂

      • MoJo
        Jul 13, 2017 @ 20:03:09

        I think that’s lovely!

  44. shalini
    Jul 14, 2017 @ 13:39:31

    I dont feel old or young. I am not an age. I am a soul and I am here today in me. So I don’t care what others see, I don’t look in the mirror most days. I only care about what I see me as, rest of the world can take a hike.. If someone likes me, kudos to me, if not, then that shows he/she does not have a good choice 😉 as long as I LIKE ME

    Reply

  45. misifusa
    Jul 15, 2017 @ 10:09:15

    Even at (ahem) age 50, I am still a little kid at heart. I love that you reposted this as it is such a special post. My kids laugh at me because I’m a goof and I get excited and want to try things even though ‘I’m old’ but in my heart and soul, I’m still that 16 year old girl who wants to view the world with rose-colored glasses, be happy and carefree and cuddle and smile with trust in her eyes. That’s the soulful me who is emerging again after a long winter’s sleep. I love that we’re connected. Please don’t go anywhere yet. We have more fun to enjoy – but hey, instead of your funeral, can we just have that party now as a fun adventure? We could make it a birthday party for you! Count me in!

    Reply

  46. carolrolke
    Jul 15, 2017 @ 10:12:25

    Soooo good! Yes, embrace the joy.

    Reply

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  48. overthehillontheyellowbrickroad
    Aug 02, 2017 @ 08:50:47

    I love this!!!! So funny and meaningful at the same time! You made my day!

    Reply

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