Searching for the Faint Hint of Light in the Loneliness of Depression

Over the past few weeks, I have been finding myself in an increasing number of conversations that are thick with heavy emotions. So many people have swallowed their words and their pain about the mental health issues that have ravaged their families and their lives. These individuals seem fine at a glance, but the reality is that they are drowning on the inside. The perfect (and false) vision of life on social media creates a deceiving veil that obscures the pervasive struggles of depression, anxiety, OCD, addiction, and suicide. And if you are dealing with any of those challenges, it can make you feel even more broken when you scroll through the endless joy that seems to be the norm from the vast majority of those around you.

socks

I wanted to get the beach in the pic, but all these darn laundry baskets were in the way. Also I had to get to work, so I couldn’t leave reality to head to the beach. One day, I’m going to take these laundry baskets to the beach. They desperately need a break, too.

Based on the posts and photos you see on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc., standard daily life should always include high levels of problem-free and adorable children, fluffy puppies galore, hundreds of birthday wishes from innumerable e-friends (many of whom also leave me contemplating my annual questions of “What does that person look like and how do I know him or her???”), and random pictures of feet taken by lovely pools and beaches (because seeing your feet in the pic really sells me on the beauty of your vacation). And on that note, please stop doing that. I don’t need to see your hobbit feet. I already know that you are there because you took the pic. Including your feet in the shot does not make me say, “Hey, I recognize those hairy toes! You really are there!”

The truth is that life isn’t always smooth sailing, and despite the evidence that you are presented with online, a striking number of those same people are also trying desperately to find their way back to solid mental health. They just don’t talk about it. When you find yourself facing depression, anxiety, OCD, addiction, or suicidal thoughts and actions, you feel so very isolated. You search frantically for any faint hint of light in the darkness of those moments. And when those moments turn from minutes to hours and sometimes from days to years, it truly seems like it will never end. In those times, you feel like no one else has been as messed up as you are right then. If there were Screwed Up Human Olympics, you would run the table at the games and easily pocket the gold, silver, and bronze medals. Team MoJo for the win!

I have lost many friends over the years due to my tendency to go radio silent when I am navigating those rough waters. I disappear and shut people out whenever I am trying to work through challenges that are consuming me. Part of me knows that most wouldn’t judge me for struggling, but another part just won’t allow a public viewing of that much of my raw and utter imperfection (hot mess central, totally unable to cope, emotional tornado action, scared little kid trapped in a less little grown up body – that kind of stuff).

Shutting other people out to limit further emotional damage is a common behavior for people who are hurting. Unfortunately it also happens to be a highly flawed coping mechanism. The reality is that I still miss many of those people that I lost in those times. They never knew why I disappeared, and I could never find the strength to explain what was going on or the right words to fix the hurt after I was in a better place. It’s not my favorite set of experiences to contemplate, but to everything there is a season, and sometimes, you just have to release the past.

Isolating yourself creates a frustrating complication of the issues and ultimately exacerbates the problems. If we could be more honest about our struggles, we would discover that so many other people around us are dealing with the same challenges as well. If we can gather enough courage to speak up when we or our family members are falling down, we would be surprised to learn that our true friends are willing and often able to genuinely assist us.  They keep the conversations going, allow us to see that we are not the only ones having a hard time, get us out of the house and out of the ruts we find ourselves trapped in, and remind us about how totally dorky we are for taking pics of our feet while still completely loving us anyway.

You may be lucky and find a way out of the darkness all by your lonesome, but you don’t have to go that route, and the odds of recovery are wildly better if you seek help from others. Let people into your world. Please note that I did not say, “Drag other people into your world.” If you have to drag them, you are barking up the wrong friend. I’m talking about surrounding yourself with people who are able to hear you and who want to listen in a supportive way. Also do yourself a favor and step away from negative social media. If you go the other direction and find that you are fixated on comparing your life to other people’s fluffy stuff, just remember that you are going to have a hard time finding their “So I totally vomited after my kids saw my husband and me in a terrible fight this morning. I am praying that they stopped crying once they got into school, that my marriage will last, and that my stomach bug goes away soon!” post. No one shows that crap off to the world, but everyone has those days. Those people need your shoulder, too. We all feel excruciatingly deep pain sometimes, and that doesn’t make you broken or weird. It makes you normal.

I know what it feels like to lose hope, but I have found mine again. For anyone who is still searching, I’ve got your back. I have stockpiled more than enough for all of us and know that it can and will get better. The darkness will fade, and your joy will return. You are so important, and you are amazing and perfect just as you are.

Allow those who care about you to hold your hand and your heart. They truly can help you find that faint hint of light in the darkness, and eventually, the light will outshine the darkness altogether. There will still be ups and downs, but life will get dramatically better if you let that happen.

Recognize when you need help, and be honest about what you are going through. Let the people who matter into your world.

Love and light always – Joanna

Faint

35 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Tea and Tales1
    Nov 08, 2017 @ 12:33:08

    Very well said. Thank you for sharing this.

    Reply

  2. caterpillars2butterfliesblog
    Nov 08, 2017 @ 13:21:19

    Thank you for sharing part of your journey like this….it does help to know that we are not alone in our struggles. Great post!

    Reply

  3. foodzesty
    Nov 08, 2017 @ 13:52:58

    🙂

    Reply

  4. booleanlogically
    Nov 08, 2017 @ 15:10:05

    Beautiful post, thank you.

    Reply

  5. kaylaannauthor
    Nov 08, 2017 @ 16:14:35

    Such wonderful honesty!

    Reply

  6. TheFeatheredSleep
    Nov 08, 2017 @ 17:08:23

    💓

    Reply

  7. Jodi
    Nov 08, 2017 @ 21:59:16

    You are amazing, I wish my nephew had known you when he felt like there was no other options. Keep it up Joanna!

    Reply

    • MoJo
      Nov 08, 2017 @ 23:26:51

      That comment made my heart ache. It’s so many years years later and yet I’m still so sad about that. No family should have to endure everything that they have been through. None of us are immune to those hurts. I love you Jodi. You are wonderful. Truly. ❤️

      Reply

  8. wakinguponthewrongsideof50
    Nov 08, 2017 @ 22:49:41

    Beautiful post Jo!!! You are so eloquent when discussing the hidden realities that no one wants to discuss. Hoping you are well!!!!xoxo

    Reply

  9. whatismaria
    Nov 09, 2017 @ 01:12:00

    I have found that speaking up has helped me more than anything with my issues – it’s difficult to find people who truly listen and care, but it is totally worth it because feeling isolated tends to make me feel much, much worse. Loved this well-written and thoughtful post!

    Reply

    • MoJo
      Nov 09, 2017 @ 06:48:49

      I agree. I never really intended to write as much about depression and all the other stuff that goes with that, but I was shocked at the responses I received to one post I just happened to write on a whim. It’s such a huge issue and people don’t realize how many others out there are hurting, too. I feel like it makes a huge difference because you realize that it’s not just you. Also it reminds you to hold on whenever it feels so heavy in your heart that you just want to stop because it let’s you see the truth that it does get better if you let it. Love your sweet words my friend. Thank you so very much darling. ❤️

      Reply

      • whatismaria
        Nov 09, 2017 @ 09:03:16

        Yes initially I never wanted to write about mental health on my blog, but I’ve been talking about it more and more because I’ve realised that it may help a lot of people who are suffering in silence.. and you are always welcome! ❤

  10. annabellefranklinauthor
    Nov 09, 2017 @ 06:45:18

    I know what you mean about the fluff – it’s not what you want to be reading when you’re going through a rough patch. And I love the photo of the feet among the laundry baskets! Such a refreshing change from feet on the edge of an infinity pool. 😀

    Reply

    • MoJo
      Nov 09, 2017 @ 06:50:12

      If I had an infinity pool, I am certain that there would still be laundry baskets right next to it! Ah yes. The sexy life of reality. Lol 😉

      Reply

  11. speak766
    Nov 09, 2017 @ 18:58:50

    Beautiful and inspiring post. You’re right – our friends and loved ones can get us through the darkest of times. I have definitely experienced that in my life. Wish you all the best – speak766

    Reply

  12. preschoolstation
    Nov 10, 2017 @ 21:04:47

    I am sitting here crying as I read your post because you just described what I am going through right now. When people ask how I’m doing, I try my hardest to smile and tell them I’m fine. But deep down inside, I want to cry like a newborn that just got shots. I had a circle of friends but have dwindled that down to just a triangle because I shut everyone out. I agree to go places and do things with them and at the last minute, I cancel. I would rather stay at home in my fluffy socks and watch Christmas movies (and watching them go from single to married in 2 hours isn’t making it any better for me)! Thank you for writing this and reaching out to those of us who are different. You encouraged me to not be silent anymore and to reach out for help!!

    Reply

    • MoJo
      Nov 11, 2017 @ 01:02:11

      I always think that if I were a breakfast cereal, I would definitely be a flake. I am exactly like tou described. I want to go. I plan to go. But when it is actually time to go… I’m out almost every time. People can take some of that, but eventually they just get tired of it. I don’t blame them, and it’s something that I’m trying very hard to change. I’m making a big effort to say yes and stick with it as often as I can. I have yet to regret it when I follow through.

      Also I love me some Christmas movies. Correction – I looooove them. But the cheese factor can be high and the make you feel bad about what you are missing factor can be even worse. The truth is that relationships just don’t work like that. It’s like Santa. I adore playing along, but reality is a completely different animal and the only bag he brings to my house is packed with bills I have to pay and gifts I have to buy and wrap (including my own).

      You are going to be ok darling. In truth, you already are. Sometimes we just forget. Please keep holding on and maybe watch some crap TV if you can stomach it. Do you do Netflix? They have crapola galore along with some really good stuff. If you do, maybe we can trade show ideas. 🙂

      Big big hugs to you honey. It’s going to feel better very very soon! ❤️🤗❤️ Joanna

      P.S. If you are into the Hallmark Christmas movie cheesefest (which I am), I highly recommend that you watch Hitched for the Holidays. It’s so so funny and sweet, too. If that’s not your style, it’s best to stick with my favorite movie of all time – A Christmas Story. Keep me updated if any new ones come out that aren’t sappy crapola! 😉

      Reply

  13. Tracy
    Nov 11, 2017 @ 02:20:26

    Beautifully written, Jo X

    Reply

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