Sleepless Nights


I have faith, and I believe that life falls into place as it should.  Of that I am certain.

While that belief fortifies my soul, I still feel tremendously tired and extremely worried.  I very literally have dozens of voicemails and emergency warning messages on my phone for local flash floods and tornadoes touching down around us.  My children are sleeping once more in the closet for their safety, and I find myself mentally circling all of the “what if” scenarios as I lay here listening to more rain pummeling our home and our town.

I get up every few minutes to see if floodwaters are creeping toward our home. I read the news and learn of more catastrophic occurences as well as further worsening predictions.  I watch the radar constantly.  It feels like this should be ending any moment now, but we know that there will be several more days of this still to come.  I wonder if we will still have a home once it’s over.

No matter what happens, we will be alright, and we will get through this.  I’m just ready to be at that point.  Thank you for all of your love, kind wishes, and prayers.  Your friendship and support have been such lights in this fearful darkness we have been in the last few days.  I appreciate each of you more than I can possibly express.

Much love to you all.  Joanna


I sit here waiting for a tropical storm to make its presence known sometime in the next hour or so. We need the rain, but in this area of the country, there is a fine line between getting a solid soak and getting a solid flood.

I’ve always loved the rain though.  I relax as the skies darken and the trees begin to rustle and sway in the wind.  I love to lay in bed listening to the countless droplets pelt the roof as the thunder grumbles all around me.

I am waiting.  Waiting for the rain.  Waiting for the calm it gives me.  Waiting for the white noise to drown out the concerns circling my mind and praying for it to clear away my fears, my doubts, and my worries.

I find myself waiting for so much lately, but a wiser part of my soul recognizes what I’m missing whenever I get lost in this pattern of waiting.  I’m missing the joy in what is because I’m so focused on what will be.  And someday, whenever those other moments come – those moments for which I have – I know that the waiting will just shift to something else.

I go over checklists in my mind.  I run through activity after activity after activity that needs to be completed.  I cross off ten items and twenty more take their place.  It’s a list that will continue to grow until I learn how to release it.

Life is meant to be appreciated, not completed and checked off.  Right now, I feel like I’m missing so much of it.  I don’t always feel this way.  I don’t usually feel this way. 

But for now, for tonight, I wait for the rain.

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